Everybody has gaps in their upbringing. I’ve never met a single person that didn’t have something lacking or some skill that they weren’t taught growing up, some failure to develop components of what they would need for life. Why is this? Because there are no perfect parents, there are no perfect families, and there is no perfect educational method.
I have observed that there is a period in young adulthood when we focus on the failures of our parents and our upbringing. Perhaps this happens in our adolescence, for some it happens in their 20s, and some may even delay this phase until their 30s. But it seems that most people go through it. It is a time of casting blame for what we feel is lacking in our lives and skillset onto those who raised us.
Although this time of focusing on who is to blame for “our gaps” seems to be a part of normal human development, if we get stuck there and don’t get past it, then that in itself becomes a huge impediment to our growth. But when we can say, “Okay, this is what I was given, this is what I had, my parents weren’t perfect, my education was not perfect — but no one’s was,” then we can begin to ask, “How does God want to fill those gaps? How does He want to flesh this out, fulfill this, bring this to completion? How does He want to bring healing where healing is needed, bring development where development is needed? How am I invited to learn new skills and cooperate in rounding out what I lacked in my upbringing?
Then the maturing process can really catapult forward. And that’s an important breakthrough for an adult on their life’s journey.
It’s normal to want to blame someone for what we find lacking, wounded or deficient in ourselves. But if we get stuck in that stage, we will stunt our growth and ability to change. The key is to honestly acknowledge: Okay, this is what my situation was, these are the gaps or wounds that are within me, and now it’s time to let God show me how he wants to fill those in and round them out or heal me. And take it all to prayer, asking God to direct, guide, fill, instruct where there was a lack.
Then watch what the Lord does. He will bring the right people into your life who can help facilitate healing. Or opportunities for learning new skills and courses will open up. Or you will discover a book that will be life-changing. God can and will fill whatever gaps in us that are preventing us from living a joyful and purposeful life.
The Lord says, “See, I make all things new” (Rev. 21:5). And that includes us.