I would like to start out with a quote by St. Francis de Sales. He was a very practical saint who gave good common sense sound advice.
Let us strive to be kind, meek and humble with everyone, but especially so with
those whom God has destined to be our companions. Let us not be one of those
who are angels in public and devils at home.
In the book, Spiritual Diary, which is a collection of selected sayings and examples of the saints, it says that Francis de Sales treated everyone of his household with kindness, including his servants. He was never harsh with them in word or deed, asked rather than commanded, and always greeted each one courteously.
As you know, it is often easier to be kind to someone we meet for the first time than those we live with or work with every day. I know my children witnessed me as a grizzly bear many times at home, followed moments later by me being very pleasant to someone on the phone or at the door. What a hypocrite!
There are things that people I love do that annoy me. I know I can annoy them, too. I have lately been coming up with a deliberate action to try to quietly learn to live with the annoyance and make it an offering. Notice that St. Francis de Sales says, “Strive to be kind, meek and humble.” Striving means to try very hard. It means to make a plan so you will know how to behave when someone close to you punches your buttons.
By making a plan I mean to think about what I am going to do ahead of time so that when I get annoyed, I am not a devil at home. That plan may be as simple as saying a Hail Mary in my mind.
I really think striving and making an internal plan is key, or else we just fly off the handle and our mouth shoots off words that can be hurtful and that we later regret.
None of us is perfect. I certainly am not and don’t pretend to be. But I can try harder. I cannot do it on my own, but I can grow in patience and self-control with the grace of God which He loves to pour out on those who ask.
God bless,
Mary Ann / Mother Hen
Rosanne says
Thanks for sharing this Mary Ann 🙂 Mine is praying to Mary – how much she helps me to stay gentle but firm as a mother! I love our children so so much but I know I couldn’t do it in my own strength especially when I’m tired. On days that I’m especially shattered due to lack of sleep, I make myself call to mind Jesus in the children and imagine it is Him that I am taking care of. Then I find I can discipline calmly in love and the children stay happy. Couldn’t do it on my own. Ever!
Mary Ann Halloran says
Thank you Rosanne for your comment. That is a good plan you have. God bless you and your lovely children.
Phillip Penna says
Hi Mary Ann,
I like the idea about having a plan, about having strategies. One strategy is to be able to tag team with your spouse. If something is going on with the kids and I know I am about to not respond the way I want to, then I can say a keyword to my spouse who understands and allows me the time to get out, get my head, and get back in. This works both ways as I can spot for her. As you say, we can’t do it alone – we need God and (in the circumstance I am describing) our spouse. now if it is our spouse who is annoying us, well . . .
(just having a little joke).
The key it seems to me is compassion and mercy – towards others and ourselves. It’s not easy to live with people, or for those people to live with us, and for us to live with ourselves! compassion and mercy seems to me to be the starting and end points.
Thanks 🙂
Mary Ann Halloran says
Amen! Compassion and mercy – you couldn’t be more right! Tag teaming is great unless as you say you are annoyed with your spouse.
Phyllis LaPlant says
I love this Mary Ann, and my kids have told stories on me about being the grizzly bear at home and then answering the phone with a very sweet voice. LOL I do like your idea of ‘striving to be better’ as ‘having a plan’. That makes us accountable and is a reminder of what we are working toward. God bless you for the influence you have been on my life and my family, I thank God for our friendship and the blessing The Lord’s Ranch has been in my life. Give Ellen my love.