Last week I shared part 1 of how God called me to live the life of a full-time missionary. I continue the story now:
After leaving the room where Sister Mary Virginia and I had spoken, I went outside to get some air. I headed for the lake at the Ranch — a comforting body of water and an oasis in the desert where I could sit to soothe my troubled soul.
I cried, I pleaded, I argued, I tried to convince the Lord that there really had been some divine mix up. “I know you’ve got the wrong person, Lord. I don’t have what it takes to live this life.”
Silence. The sky as if bronzed. No movement or stirring.
Sitting there alone by the peaceful water, fluffy white clouds floating overhead, I calmed down. I started to reflect on my life. I had always felt close to God, since I was a little girl. He was my closest friend, my confidante, my rock. I knew He loved me. I instinctively knew He had my best interests at heart and would never harm me in any way. I also knew that I wanted to do whatever He asked, no matter how distasteful it was.
So I grudgingly gave in. “Okay, God. You win. I’ll stay.”
At that point I heard in my heart, “I don’t want a resignation. I want a cheerful, joyful yes.”
“What! Now you’re pushing it, Lord! I just gave in, but that’s not enough?”
More silence. More inner struggle.
Then I asked for the desire to be here — something I had avoided asking for all this time. “Lord, if this is truly Your plan for me, please give me the desire for it.”
And instantly, I felt like roots shot out of my feet, grounding me solidly here, and I knew I was home.
This was home. This was where I was meant to be. Unasked for, unwanted, unattractive to my human reckoning. Not at all in my script for my life, but God’s choice for me.
As I sat there by the lake, it was as if scales fell from my eyes. I started seeing the beauty in this desert — the mountains that frame the Ranch, the desert plants, the wild ducks that were sharing this watering hole with me that evening. Everything looked so different, so striking to me.
I left the lake at the Ranch that evening a different person — with a new perspective, a new purpose, a new mission. This was to be my life. Time to start embracing it and living it to the full.