Last week I shared part 1 of how God called me to live the life of a full-time missionary. I continue the story now:
After leaving the room where Sister Mary Virginia and I had spoken, I went outside to get some air. I headed for the lake at the Ranch — a comforting body of water and an oasis in the desert where I could sit to soothe my troubled soul.
I cried, I pleaded, I argued, I tried to convince the Lord that there really had been some divine mix up. “I know you’ve got the wrong person, Lord. I don’t have what it takes to live this life.”
Silence. The sky as if bronzed. No movement or stirring.
Sitting there alone by the peaceful water, fluffy white clouds floating overhead, I calmed down. I started to reflect on my life. I had always felt close to God, since I was a little girl. He was my closest friend, my confidante, my rock. I knew He loved me. I instinctively knew He had my best interests at heart and would never harm me in any way. I also knew that I wanted to do whatever He asked, no matter how distasteful it was.
So I grudgingly gave in. “Okay, God. You win. I’ll stay.”
At that point I heard in my heart, “I don’t want a resignation. I want a cheerful, joyful yes.”
“What! Now you’re pushing it, Lord! I just gave in, but that’s not enough?”
More silence. More inner struggle.
Then I asked for the desire to be here — something I had avoided asking for all this time. “Lord, if this is truly Your plan for me, please give me the desire for it.”
And instantly, I felt like roots shot out of my feet, grounding me solidly here, and I knew I was home.
This was home. This was where I was meant to be. Unasked for, unwanted, unattractive to my human reckoning. Not at all in my script for my life, but God’s choice for me.
As I sat there by the lake, it was as if scales fell from my eyes. I started seeing the beauty in this desert — the mountains that frame the Ranch, the desert plants, the wild ducks that were sharing this watering hole with me that evening. Everything looked so different, so striking to me.
I left the lake at the Ranch that evening a different person — with a new perspective, a new purpose, a new mission. This was to be my life. Time to start embracing it and living it to the full.
Bill Hegeman says
Your articles encourage me to pray more. Thanks for sharing.
Ellen Hogarty says
Thanks, Bill. Pray for us, too, as you pray more. 🙂